A Fresh Start

The truth is, I've avoided writing much publicly because it's been hard for me to come to grips with my reality or admit that I have changed.

On September 11th, 2013, I was in a car accident. A plastic hair-clip initiated trauma to my head, causing memory loss and according to those closest to me, also a noticeable change in my personality.

I've spent the last year and a half trying to sort out the truth from nightmares and falsehoods, but I've decided that my obsession with the truth of my past is an alienating uphill battle that relies on piecing together half-memories and emotional responses with information from possibly unreliable sources. It's futile and time consuming, so I'm going to take my doctor's advice. I'm not going to worry about it anymore.

There are only a few key people in my life who have really known what I've been going through over the last year and they've made all of the difference. I realized that much of my past was spent worrying about how other people saw me and how they saw those I cared about. In some respects, I believe I may have looked for the good in people and made excuses for their actions without ever really questioning my motivation or looking in the mirror at what i had become.

In some ways, the accident was a blessing--a reset button on my brain that allows me to acknowledge I have a past, but also brought me out of the dark, helping me realize that I am not an unchangeable automaton of the universe made up only of those things that have happened to and around me.

This new blog is my fresh chapter--not necessarily a means of finding or defining myself, but more about evolving, like Galatea, from a hardened piece of art into a living, breathing sculpture.

I'm going to be honest--if you knew me before the accident, I have changed. I believe it's been for the better. This blog is for me and my journey, but I do hope that it is also enjoyed.

A final thought for this evening:

“On, there are so many lives. How we wish we could live them concurrently instead of one by one by one. We could select the best pieces of each, stringing them together like a strand of pearls. But that's not how it works. A human life is a beautiful mess.”
― Gabrielle Zevin, Elsewhere